


sisyphus

by andouilles



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Meta, Multi, POV Second Person, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:33:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andouilles/pseuds/andouilles
Summary: You are forced to kill the only man you have ever loved. Over and over and over again.
Relationships: Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Reader, Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70





	sisyphus

A necessary evil. That’s what it is, isn’t it?

To kill the only person you’ve ever loved — is that not just a _small_ price to pay for the greater good? Have you not slain other Ascians for the same purpose? 

To hear his true name — _Hades_ — is a sharper cut than a blade could ever deliver. 

Your grip on your weapon tightens. Facing him now, seeing him in _this_ form, makes your heart beat unevenly. You feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins; you feel the air grow heavy in anticipation. The brief silence before battle nearly puts you at ease, you feel so comfortable with it.

Such calm cannot last. You charge forward.

When you draw first blood, you feel sick to your stomach.

There is no time to feel sorry for yourself, though. You have no other option but to fight. You know it will all be over soon. Your heart will not mend — but you’ve steeled yourself to take on this battle.

Both of you knew this day would come.

You fight without any mercy — you cannot allow yourself to falter. Not now — not with how far you’ve gotten. 

It matters not what your own personal desires are. It matters not what outcome you truly wish for. What you are doing now is _not_ for yourself — it is for the countless lives you know you will be saving.

One sacrifice to save them all. _Your_ sacrifice.

No longer will you revel in the comfort of his embrace. It should be easy to return to loneliness: you have already known it for far too long. To return to the empty life you once lived will be trivial, you tell yourself.

A life without him.

When you have claimed your victory, you cannot stand the way he appears before you in his final moments. That smirk of his, his pallid eyes — all of him here before you, fading away. 

One last moment — his dying gasp.

“Remember...remember us,” he says, his voice soft. Defeated.

“Remember...that we once lived…”

And you watch him fade away. You close your eyes in a moment of serenity.

When you open them, you are standing before the ruins of Amaurot, Hades and his massive form towering over you. Just as he had been just moments ago.

_What?  
_

This doesn’t make sense. Had you not defeated him already? You look around, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. This can’t be right. You had _fought_ your final battle. 

Had you just imagined it all? It felt real. The pain, the tears, the strife — it had all been _so_ real. You open up your mouth to attempt to say something. To stop it all from happening again.

“Show me your “vaunted” strength. And I shall expose the lie of your fragmented existence!” Hades shouts, coming at you with all his might. The exact same thing he had said just moments earlier. You find yourself disoriented — you barely dodge a hefty blow, stumbling clumsily as you try to get your bearings. 

You have no choice but to fight again.

You carry on with the same ferocity, as you do not wish to see what fate befalls you if you do not. Hades speaks the same words as he did just moments earlier — every single breath is the exact _same_ . 

Overcome with a great uneasiness, you barely survive this battle. You are more bruised and battered than the first time you fought. Attempting to catch your breath, you find yourself back at that final goodbye. His aether slips away from him and you are forced to watch it happen for a second time.

“Remember...remember us…” he says once again. There is no change in his voice — he sounds _exactly_ as he did before.

This _can’t_ be happening.

“Emet-Selch, please, listen to m—” You begin to plead. It is all for naught.

“Remember...that we once lived…” he rasps.

And you watch him fade away. You close your eyes.

You don’t want to open them. You are scared to see the same scene present itself to you again. Keeping your eyes closed tight — you listen to the sounds around you. It is quiet, eerily quiet. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

You let yourself open your eyes, confirming your worst nightmare.

Same place. Same scene. It has reset once again.

You must kill him again. And you do. You try to do it as quickly as possible. Get to the end. Say your last goodbye. Surely there must be a way to make it stop.

But it doesn’t.

The scenario keeps playing out the same way. You kill him again and again and _again._ Is this divine punishment of some sort? Perhaps a curse — but from whom? Zodiark? Hydaelyn? 

What have you done to deserve such a fate?   
  


* * *

  
You have killed Hades more times than you can possibly count.

You have tried to escape. You have looked down into the dark abyss below and have cast yourself into it before even exchanging blows with him. Claiming your own life changes nothing.

You end up right back where you began. 

There are times where you have fallen by his hand despite your efforts. You feel darkness take you, and in a way, you almost _welcome_ it. A moment of silence. 

You end up right back where you began. 

Sometimes, you drop to your knees and cry, letting him take your life. If you suffer as much as he — will it all balance out? Will that end it? 

You end up right back where you began. 

Over and over again with no end in sight. 

You do not feel hungry. You do not feel tired. But you _do_ feel the pain of loss weigh heavy in your chest. All the tears you shed start to feel empty. At a certain point you feel like a husk, as if your body moves of its own volition. 

Are you in control? Have you _ever_ been in control?

As you slay him again, you collapse to your knees and wait for him to say: 

“Remember...remember us.”

“I will,” You cry, choking on your words as you weep for a man you have mourned a hundred times over.

You know what he will say next, but the words never came. Instead you hear footsteps slowly approach you. A gentle hand rests on your shoulder. You stop your sobbing and look up in shock. Emet-Selch crouches down on one knee, lowering himself so you are eye to eye with him. 

As you gaze into his eyes, he says _nothing.  
_

You have never felt so relieved. As the weight of his hand leaves your shoulder, you close your eyes.

When you open your eyes yet again, you are in your bed, in the safety of your personal quarters.

You stare forward at the ceiling blankly, in shock over where you find yourself. 

Had it all been just a nightmare?

In a strange mixture of shock and relief, you begin to chuckle. Before you know it, your chuckles burst out into full-on laughter, then morph into what can only be described as hideous bawling.

Once you gather your bearings and manage to dress yourself, you head over to the door, to hopefully figure out what in the seven hells just happened. Just as you are about to leave, you see something glint out of the corner of your eye. Turning your head slowly, you look towards the source of the light.

Sitting upon the table is a weapon that seems to be fashioned out of a dark violet crystal-like material. Carefully, you lift up the weapon and examine it. Then, you _smile_ .  
  
Something to remember him by.

**Author's Note:**

> i thought of this as i was grinding for all the hades ex weapons. now i hope you do too :)


End file.
